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RL - general "how to deal" topic :P

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so.

 

ever since i started working on my thesis and slowly realising i'll soon have to go out in the real world and deal with real world stuff/being an adult, and especially after i finally graduated and the euphoria of doing that wore off, i've been feeling so...idk even, helpless? not sure if that's the right word but i just feel like i don't know what to do with myself, how to get a job with zero experience, how to stop feeling like i graduated and know absolutely nothing about how things really work IRL and not in uni...i'm sure this is pretty much normal for everyone who finishes uni but i'm actually not used to feeling anxious 'n stuff.

 

i'm guessing there's a lot of people on TDA who might have problems with anxiety and similar stuff or just general 'dealing with RL' things/when everything gets too much and i wanted to hear how you guys cope with everything, what are some of the tricks you do (if there are any) to make things easier...and basically anything else you want to share (either to make yourself feel better or give advice ^_^)

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congrats on graduating and completing your thesis!

 

I finished my BA in december and basically have been in the same boat. moving back home and sitting around job searching while everyone else is being productive isn't fun. but I found that bullet journaling has kept me from totally losing it. it's a great way to keep organized and be creative! buzzfeed has a ton of posts and videos about it and there are lots of bullet journaling accounts on instagram.

 

basically, bullet journaling is using a blank notebook to create whatever you need to stay organized - weekly spreads, timelines, etc. I use mine to keep track of all my job applications, start planning out my grad school path, and setting small daily goals for myself so I feel productive. I also started tracking my spending which has been helpful in making me feel more like an adult.

 

there was also a brief moment where I thought I was going to move to a different state for a job and started looking for apartments, which is the first time I've done anything like that since I've always lived in a dorm. I couldn't afford any of them, but it's kind of nice to know now how to look for an apartment, how much they cost, and what sort of things to look for when hunting. sometimes I go on zillow just to look for apartments in my dream cities so I can have a little goal in mind. it's nice learning about adulting things - even if I can't do them yet because I have zero dollars to my name and no sense of true adulthood - so that I can have some sort of goal that I'm working towards.

 

all that to say, you've totally got this!!!

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I'm seconding bullet-journalling, although definitely be careful while falling down the rabbit-hole of BuzzFeed and Instagram bullet-journals - some of them get super fancy and can be stressful to maintain. I usually try to stick with the original Ryder method, with minor changes. It's very easy to see what everyone else is doing and then winding up with 6839275839 trackers you don't need that just stress you out because you keep forgetting to fill them out :P

 

I usually try and cut down on my sugar intake whenever I'm anxious because it just makes my heart race even more and the heavy feeling in my chest gets worse as a result. I also sit down and break down every single thing that I need to do. List making is cathartic as is filling in tasks in a journal, which is why bullet-journals or planners are super handy. I also schedule out some time to do nothing or do some writing or watch a tv show, it gives me some stress-free time which is a life saver. It also helps to have someone to rant to. My summer job is insanely stressful and last summer there was a good month or two where I spent more time there than at home, and they approved overtime for regular agents for the first time in nearly a decade we were so busy, so it helped to have someone I could complain to and rant to.

 

Also, when problems arise, one thing I learned from my Mom was to always logically think about the worst thing that could possibly happen and then actually do something about it. This last exam season I forgot to hand in my paper proposal with my paper and spent a good couple hours absolutely panicking before sitting down and thinking about what the worst thing that could happen was, which really wasn't all that bad, and then I took a deep breath and emailed my professor a PDF of the proposal and handed it in the next day. I find that when I'm in a blind panic about something and don't take a moment to breathe, I don't do anything about the problem which stresses me out further and just makes it worse, whereas if I take a moment to breathe, I can figure out what I need to do and do it, so the problem gets fixed and I feel better.

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oh gawwwwd this is too real ;~; i don't know if i have any helpful advice to offer bc i'm sort of in this pre-freaking stage at the moment -- i have four weeks left of university, and after that i'm going to be cast out into the world, with nowhere to land, only a creative writing degree to fall back on (not the most useful i'm sure u can all agree) and a complete dread of working ANY sort of normal job...... basically the world really freaks me out, and any time i think about the fact that i will have to be in it for the rest of my life, i panic

 

i think, for me, the scariest thing is the massive unknownness. for my whole life so far it's been like, oh, you do this many years of primary school, this many of secondary school, a couple of sixth form, a gap year, 3 of uni... it's always been 'chunked' into small, parsable amounts, and then all of a sudden, we're being thrown out into just 80+ years with absolutely no structure or guidance??? it's TERRIFYING

 

that being said, i guess trying to divide it up does help for me. i think 'well, i can do one year of this' after graduating and then that's another year i don't have to think about the future as a huge, unavoidable ocean when i've only ever been in a kayak before, yanno? also all sorts of lifestyle things like cutting out sugar and trying to spend as much time as possible in nature, especially with bare feet on the earth, really DO help when i freak about this stuff, although i'm rubbish at keeping up with that stuff

 

anyway, this was not very helpful but i'm eagerly stalking everyone else's advice bc the world is absolutely terrifying

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When I was in that stage, I wasn't sure what to do, so I went to grad school :P But then I was done with grad school, so then what? I initially had wanted to be a lawyer, but after I changed my mind, I ended up floating for a year. So I just worked at little jobs until I landed my current career. I think I just coped by doing creative and artistic projects - that's often how I funnel my emotions, and it's how I make sense of the world. I painted, drew, all that sort of thing. I was in a unique situation, though, where I pretty much had to be the breadwinner for the family, for some rather serious personal reasons, so I didn't get a lot of time to ponder it all. I just had to get to work, because no one was going to do it for me.

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andrea - yep, i did go to grad school (well, it's not called that here but according to wikipedia it's the same thing - anyway i got a master's degree :D - but honestly, in croatia, just having a bachelor's isn't an option because there are no jobs for someone who just has that so luckily i didn't have to think too hard about what to do, just went straight for the master's degree) i definitely need to get back into graphicing, it's one of the things that really helps me :P

 

isabel&shan - thank you! :) your suggestions are really great, i'm used to having a little black book (it's literally little and black hahah) in which i would write down what i need to do for my courses so it seems like a good idea to kind of continue that with bullet journaling (i also find it very satisfying when i'm able to cross something off a list!!)

 

i try not to complain or rant because i feel like it just draws me into a loop where i rant&complain, then feel bad because i'm just repeating whatever is wrong instead of trying to solve stuff...but mostly i feel like people just don't want to hear it, especially since they have problems of their own (potentially worse than mine), so i don't want to be that person who everyone avoids because of ranting&complaining (it'd be great if i could do it and then get it over with but like i said, i go into a loop :hide:)

 

maia - i totally know how you feel :o :o :o also, planning out stuff sounds great - i'll definitely try it out ^_^ (but lets hope that i don't get mad if i don't end up doing something i had planned - i have a tendency to expect too much of myself so when something doesn't happen the way i plan i get really mad at myself <.< )

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This thread has made me want to start a bullet journal so much. I'm in a similar place right now, I feel trapped and faced with the inevitability that I won't succeed. My family keep telling me they're scared I'm going to waste my 'talents' and I have no idea what they're talking about. The way I see it is you don't leave uni and then decide on one career path or one future and that's it. I want to try lots of things before I decide on what I want. I really need to be more organised though. But the thought of the future stresses me out and I just procrastinate until it all blows over. :hides:

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omg i feel you bex - i studied (and have been living) in a different city than my hometown and now everyone is like - are you going back or are you staying - i don't know! all my friends are here (in the city where i studied, even friends from high school), the city is much bigger than my hometown and has a lot more to offer....but i'd like to be close to my family :/ so i like to think that whatever i decide is not going to be permanent because that's just...idk, it seems like i'd be limiting my options definitively deciding on one or the other

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